The Legend of Ulenspiegel, Volume 2 (of 2) Read online

  "Make haste," said the stock-meester.

  "Monseigneur," said Ulenspiegel, speaking to the Prince, "nothingpresses, believe me; first should this stick be dried and seasoned,for they say that green wood entering living flesh imparts to ita deadly venom. Would Your Highness wish to see me die of this fouldeath? Monseigneur, I hold my faithful back at Your Highness' service;have it beaten with rods, lashed with the whip; but, if you wouldnot see me dead, spare me, if it please you, the green wood."

  "Prince, give him grace," said Messire de Hoogstraeten and Dieterichde Schooenbergh. The others smiled pityingly.

  Lamme also said:

  "Monseigneur, Monseigneur, show grace; green wood it is pure poison."

  The Prince then said: "I pardon him."

  Ulenspiegel, leaping several times high in air, struck on Lamme'sbelly and forced him to dance, saying:

  "Praise Monseigneur with me, who saved me from the green wood."

  And Lamme tried to dance, but could not, because of his belly.

  And Ulenspiegel treated him to both eating and drinking.

  XII

  Not wishing to give battle, the duke without truce or respite harriedthe Silent as he wandered about the flat land between Juliers andthe Meuse, everywhere sounding the river at Hondt, Mechelen, Elsen,Meersen, and everywhere finding it filled with traps and caltrops towound men and horses that sought to pass over by fording.

  At Stockem, the sounders found none of these engines. The princegave orders for crossing. The reiters went over the Meuse and heldthemselves in battle order on the other bank, so as to protect thecrossing on the side of the bishopric of Liege; then there formed upin line from one bank to the other, in this way breaking the currentof the river, ten ranks of archers and musketeers, among whom wasUlenspiegel.

  He had water up to his thighs, and often some treacherous wave wouldlift him up, himself and his horse.

  He saw the foot soldiers cross, carrying a powder bag upon theirheadgear and holding their muskets high in air: then came the wagons,the hackbuts, linstocks, culverins, double culverins, falcons,falconets, serpentines, demi-serpentines, double serpentines,mortars, double mortars, cannon, demi-cannon, double cannon, sacres,little field pieces mounted on carriages drawn by two horses, ableto manoeuvre at the gallop and in every way like those that werenicknamed the Emperor's Pistols; behind them, protecting the rear,landsknechts and reiters from Flanders.

  Ulenspiegel looked about to find some warming drink. The archerRiesencraft, a High German, a lean, cruel, gigantic fellow, was snoringon his charger beside him, and as he breathed he spread abroad theperfume of brandy. Ulenspiegel, spying for a flask on his horse'scrupper, found it hung behind on a cord like a baldric, which he cut,and he took the flask, and drank rejoicing. The archer companionssaid to him:

  "Give us some."

  He did so. The brandy being drunk, he knotted the cord that held theflask, and would have put it back about the soldier's breast. As helifted his arm to pass it round, Riesencraft awoke. Taking the flask,he would have milked his cow as usual. Finding that it gave no moremilk, he fell into mighty anger.

  "Robber," said he, "what have you done with my brandy?"

  Ulenspiegel replied:

  "Drunk it. Among soaking horsemen, one man's brandy is everybody'sbrandy. Evil is the scurvy stingy one."

  "To-morrow I will carve your carcase in the lists," repliedRiesencraft.

  "We will carve each other," answered Ulenspiegel, "heads, arms, legs,and all. But are you not constipated, that you have such a sour face?"

  "I am," said Riesencraft.

  "You want a purge, then," replied Ulenspiegel, "and not a duel."

  It was agreed between them that they should meet next day, mountedand accoutred each as he pleased, and should cut up each other'sbacon with a short stiff sword.

  Ulenspiegel asked that for himself the sword might be replaced by acudgel, which was granted him.

  In the meanwhile, all the soldiers having crossed the river andfalling into order at the voice of the colonels and the captains,the ten ranks of archers also crossed over.

  And the Silent said:

  "Let us march on Liege!"

  Ulenspiegel was glad of this, and with all the Flemings, shouted out:

  "Long life to Orange, let us march on Liege!"

  But the foreigners, and notably the High Germans, said they were toomuch washed and rinsed to march. Vainly did the prince assure themthat they were going to a certain victory, to a friendly city; theywould listen to nothing, but lit great fires and warmed themselvesin front of them, with their horses unharnessed.

  The attack on the city was put off till next day when Alba, greatlyastonished at the bold crossing, learned through his spies that theSilent One's soldiers were not yet ready for the assault.

  Thereupon, he threatened Liege and all the country round about toput them to fire and sword, if the prince's friends made any movementthere. Gerard de Groesbeke, the bishop's catchpoll, armed his troopersagainst the prince, who arrived too late, through the fault of theHigh Germans, who were afraid of a little water in their stockings.

  XIII

  Ulenspiegel and Riesencraft having taken seconds, the latter saidthat the two soldiers were to fight on foot to the death, if theconqueror wished, for such were Riesencraft's conditions.

  The scene of the conflict was a little heath.

  Early in the morning, Riesencraft donned his archer's array. He puton his salade with the throat piece, without visor, and a mail shirtwith no sleeves. His other shirt being fallen into pieces, he put itin his salade to make lint of it if need was. He armed himself withan arbalest of good Ardennes wood, a sheaf of thirty quarrels, witha long dagger, but not with a two-handed sword, which is the archer'ssword. And he came to the field of battle mounted upon his charger,carrying his war saddle and the plumed chamfron, and all bardedwith iron.

  Ulenspiegel made up for himself an armament for a nobleman; hischarger was a donkey; his saddle was the petticoat of a gay wench,his plumed chamfron was of osier, adorned above with goodly flutteringshavings. His barde was bacon, for, said he, iron costs too much,steel is beyond price, and as for brass in these later days, theyhave made so many cannon out of it that there is not enough left toarm a rabbit for battle. He donned for headgear a fine salade thathad not yet been devoured by the snails; this salade was surmountedby a swan's feather, to make him sing if he was killed.

  His sword, stiff and light, was a good long, stout cudgel of pinewood,at the end of which there was a besom of branches of the same tree. Onthe left hand of his saddle hung his knife, which was of wood likewise;on the right swung his good mace, which was of elderwood, surmountedwith a turnip. His cuirass was all holes and flaws.

  When he arrived in this array, at the field of the duel, Riesencraft'sseconds burst out laughing, but he himself remained unbending fromhis sour face.

  Ulenspiegel's seconds then demanded of Riesencraft's that theGerman should lay aside his armour of mail and iron, seeing thatUlenspiegel was armed only in rags and pieces. To which Riesencraftgave consent. Riesencraft's seconds then asked Ulenspiegel's how itcame that Ulenspiegel was armed with a besom.

  "You granted me the stick, but you did not forbid me to enliven itwith foliage."

  "Do as you think fit," said the four seconds.

  Riesencraft said never a word and cropped down with little strokesof his sword the thin stalks of the heather.

  The seconds requested him to replace his sword with a besom, the sameas Ulenspiegel.

  He replied:

  "If this rascal of his own accord chose a weapon so out of the way,it is because he imagines he can defend his life with it."

  Ulenspiegel saying again that he would use his besom, the four secondsagreed that everything was in order.

  They were set facing each other, Riesencraft on his horse barded withiron, Ulenspiegel on his donkey barded with bacon.

  Ulenspiegel came forward into the middle of the field of combat. There,holding
his besom like a lance:

  "I deem," said he, "fouler and more stinking than plague, leprosy,and death, this vermin brood of ill fellows who, in a camp of oldsoldiers and boon companions, have no other thought than to carryround everywhere their scowling faces and their mouths foamingwith anger. Wherever they may be, laughter dares not show itself,and songs are silent. They must be forever growling and fighting,introducing thus alongside of legitimate combat for the fatherlandsingle combat which is the ruin of an army and the delight of theenemy. Riesencraft here present hath slain for mere innocent wordsone and twenty men, without ever performing in battle or skirmishany act of distinguished bravery or deserved the least reward by hiscourage. Now it is my pleasure to-day to brush the bare hide of thiscrabbed dog the wrong way."

  Riesencraft replied:

  "This drunkard has had tall dreams of the abuse of single combats:it will be my pleasure to-day to split his head, to show everybodythat he has nothing but hay in his brain-box."

  The seconds made them get down from their mounts. In so doingUlenspiegel dropped from his head the salad which the ass atequietly and slyly; but the donkey was interrupted in this job bya kick from one of the seconds to make him get out of the duellingenclosure. The same treatment fell to the lot of the horse. And theywent off elsewhere to graze in company.

  Then the seconds, carrying broom--these were Ulenspiegel's pair,and the others, carrying sword--they were Riesencraft's, gave thesignal for the fray with a whistle.

  And Riesencraft and Ulenspiegel fell to fighting furiously,Riesencraft smiting with his sword, Ulenspiegel parrying with hisbesom; Riesencraft swearing by all devils, Ulenspiegel fleeing beforehim, wandering through the heather obliquely and circling, zigzagging,thrusting out his tongue, making a thousand other faces at Riesencraft,who was losing his breath and beating the air with his sword likea mad trooper. Ulenspiegel felt him close, turned sharp and sudden,and gave him a great whack under the nose with his besom. Riesencraftfell down with arms and legs stretched out like a dying frog.

  Ulenspiegel flung himself upon him, besomed his face up and down andevery way, pitilessly, saying:

  "Cry for mercy or I make you swallow my besom!"

  And he rubbed and scrubbed him without ceasing, to the great pleasureand joy of the spectators, and still said:

  "Cry for mercy or I make you eat it!"

  But Riesencraft could not cry, for he was dead of black rage.

  "God have thy soul, poor madman!" said Ulenspiegel.

  And he went away, plunged in melancholy.

  XIV

  It was then the end of October. The prince lacked money; his army washungry. The soldiers were murmuring; he marched in the direction ofFrance and offered battle to the duke, who declined it.

  Leaving Quesnoy-le-Comte to go towards Cambresis, he met ten companiesof Germans, eight ensigns of Spaniards, and three cornets of lighthorse, commanded by Don Ruffele Henricis, the duke's son, who was inthe middle of the line, and cried in Spanish:

  "Kill! Kill! No quarter. Long live the Pope!"

  Don Henricis was then over against the company of musketeers in whichUlenspiegel was dizenier, in command of ten men, and hurled himselfupon them with his men. Ulenspiegel said to the sergeant of his troop:

  "I am going to cut the tongue out of this ruffian!"

  "Cut away," said the sergeant.

  And Ulenspiegel, with a well-aimed bullet, smashed the tongue andthe jaw of Don Ruffele Henricis, the duke's son.

  Ulenspiegel brought down from his horse the son of Marquis Delmaresalso.

  The eight ensigns, the three cornets were beaten.

  After this victory, Ulenspiegel sought for Lamme in the camp, butfound him not.

  "Alas!" said he, "there he is, gone, my friend Lamme, my big friend. Inhis warlike ardour, forgetting the weight of his belly, he must havepursued the flying Spaniards. Out of breath he will have fallen likea sack upon the road. And they will have picked him up to have ransomfor him, a ransom for Christian bacon. My friend Lamme, where artthou then, where art thou, my fat friend?"

  Ulenspiegel sought him everywhere, and finding him not fell intomelancholy.

  XV

  In November, the month of snow storms, the Silent sent for Ulenspiegelto come before him. The prince was biting at the cord of his mailshirt.

  "Hearken and understand," said he.

  Ulenspiegel replied:

  "My ears are prison doors; to enter is easy, but it is a hard businessto get anything out."

  The Silent said:

  "Go through Namur, Flanders, Hainaut, Sud-Brabant, Antwerp,Nord-Brabant, Guelder, Overyssel, Nord-Holland, announcing everywherethat if fortune betrays our holy and Christian cause by land,the struggle against every unjust violence will continue on thesea. May God direct this matter with all grace, whether in good orevil fortune. Once come to Amsterdam, you shall give account to PaulBuys, my trusty friend, of all you have done and performed. Here arethree passes, signed by Alba himself, and found upon the bodies atQuesnoy-le-Comte. My secretary has filled them. Perchance you will findon the way some good comrade in whom you may be able to trust. Thoseare good folk who to the lark's note answer with the warlike bugleof the cock. Here are fifty florins. You will be valiant and faithful."

  "The ashes beat upon my heart," replied Ulenspiegel.

  And he went away.

  XVI

  He had, under the hand of the king and the duke, license to carry allweapons at his own convenience. He took his good wheel-lock arquebus,cartridges, and dry powder. Then clad in a ragged short cloak, atattered doublet, and breeches full of holes in the Spanish fashion,wearing a bonnet with plume flying in the wind, and sword, he leftthe army near the French frontier and marched off towards Maestricht.

  The wrens, those heralds of the cold, flew about the houses, askingshelter. The third day it snowed.

  Many times and oft on the way Ulenspiegel must needs show his safeconduct. He was allowed to pass. He marched towards Liege.

  He had just entered into a plain; a great wind drove whirls of flakesupon his face. Before him he saw the plain stretch out all white,and the eddies of snow driven hither and thither by the gusts. Threewolves followed him, but when he knocked one over with his musket,the others flung themselves on the wounded one and made off into thewoods, each carrying a great piece of the corpse.

  Ulenspiegel being thus delivered, and looking to see if there wasno other band in the country, saw at the end of the plain specksas it were gray statues moving among the eddies, and behind themshapes of mounted soldiers. He climbed up into a tree. The windbrought a far-off noise of complaining: "These are perchance," hesaid to himself, "pilgrims clad in white coats; I can scarcely seetheir bodies against the snow." Then he distinguished men runningnaked and saw two reiters, harnessed all in black, who sitting ontheir chargers were driving this poor flock before them with greatblows of their whips. He primed his musket. Among these wretcheshe saw young folk, old men naked with teeth chattering, frozen,huddled up, and running to escape the whips of the two troopers,who took a delight, being well clad, red with brandy and good food,in lashing the bodies of the naked men to make them run quicker.

  Ulenspiegel said: "Ye shall have vengeance, ashes of Claes." Andhe killed, with a bullet in the face, one of the reiters, who felldown from his horse. The other, not knowing from whence had come thatunlooked-for bullet, took fright. Thinking there were enemies hiddenin the wood, he would fain have fled with his comrade's horse. Whilehe dismounted to despoil the dead man, and had taken hold of thebridle, he was stricken with another bullet in the neck and fell,like his companion.

  The naked men, believing that an angel from heaven, a good arquebusier,had come to their rescue, fell upon their knees. Ulenspiegel camedown from his tree and was recognized by those in the band who had,like him, served in the prince's army. They said to him:

  "Ulenspiegel, we are of the land of France, sent in state to Maestrichtwhere the duke is, there to be treated as rebel prisoners, unableto pay
ransom and condemned in advance to be tortured, beheaded,or to row like ruffians and robbers on the king's galleys."

  Ulenspiegel, giving his opperst kleed to the oldest of the band,replied:

  "Come, I will fetch you as far as Mezieres, but first of all we muststrip these two troopers and take their horses with us."

  The doublets, breeches, boots, and headgear and cuirasses ofthe troopers were divided among the weakest and most ailing, andUlenspiegel said:

  "We shall go into the wood, where the air is thicker and milder. Letus run, brothers."

  Suddenly a man fell and said:

  "I am cold and I am hungry, and I go before God to bear witness thatthe Pope is Antichrist on earth."

  And he died. And the others were fain to bear him away with them,in order to give him a Christian burial.

  While they were journeying along a main road they perceived acountryman driving a wagon covered with its canvas tilt. Seeing thenaked men, he took pity and made them get into the wagon. There theyfound hay to lie on and empty sacks to cover themselves with. Beingwarm, they gave thanks to God. Ulenspiegel, riding by the side ofthe wagon on one of the reiters' horses, held the other by the bridle.

  At Mezieres they alighted: there they were given good soup, beer,bread, cheese, and meat, the old men and the women. They were lodged,clad, and weaponed afresh at the charge of the commune. And they allgave the embrace of blessing to Ulenspiegel, who received it rejoicing.